Edit desk: The peaks and valleys of college life

Everyone’s college experience is different. Whether you coast through college with only a few bumps and bruises or get knocked down for four years repeatedly, everyone will have their peaks and valleys. Anyone can struggle with a class, finances, personal relationships or many other obstacles that come with an introduction to adult life.

College life is turbulent. Not only can you experience highs and lows on a long-term scale, but a shorter scale as well. A student’s life changes gears so rapidly that you can go from being relatively happy to an extreme state of stress just because of an email from financial aid notifying you of your insufficient funds. From skipping the class that you are struggling in, to barbecuing with friends, one part of your day can be a nightmare while another can be a reminder that life is pretty good.

One of the toughest aspects of being stuck in a rut is that we look at other people’s lives and compare ourselves to them without any actual knowledge of their life.

“He looks so happy.”

“She has so many friends.”

“She does so well in school.”

“They have such a great relationship.”

You’re left wishing your life could be like theirs. But in reality, he puts on a smile so his friends don’t see the pain inside, she is surrounded by people who make her feel alone, she could have tremendous pressure from home to excel in something she isn’t even passionate about, and they could be masking a failing relationship.

I try to consider these things when I compare myself to others. I do not know their life story, so I should assume nothing and give them the benefit of the doubt that they, too, are struggling on a daily basis. Even though it is not likely that their pet just died or a family member has taken ill, it also is not impossible. By simply taking myself off my default setting and considering other possibilities, I give myself a chance to decide how I would like to see the world.

When I see someone who may be down, I frame something in a positive way that may be their bright light when they look back at the end of their day.

“Hey, I really like your shoes.”

“You have a beautiful smile.”

“Would you like a coffee, on me?”

Or you could simply ask, sincerely, “Hey, how are you? You look a little down. Do you want to talk about anything?”

I simply want to treat others the way I wish I was treated when I have a rough day.

Thankfully, there are many ways to help you make it through college. Lehigh provides mental health services which can give individual, weekly counseling, group therapy sessions or other ways to tailor to individual needs.

When I was an active athlete here at Lehigh, I had my first major injury of my career, which required surgery and extensive rehabilitation. My whole life to that point revolved around doing well and growing as an athlete. The fire that fueled my life was now extinguished, and I felt lost.

I became lethargic, socially alienated and locked into a state of melancholy. After way too much time, I finally decided to see a counselor on campus. Our talks every Tuesday at 8 a.m. were what I looked forward to most every week.  I started to feel more like myself. I eventually did make it back all the way, but now I know I have the experience to tackle the problems in my life without losing myself.

My advice is to open up to friends, family and even to relative strangers. Tell your friends that you are struggling in class this term, tell your family that you miss them and feel lonely, and when a someone asks, “How are you?” tell them how you really are instead of defaulting to a generic response.

I think you will be surprised with how someone else will return the favor by opening up to you and disclosing their struggles. That is the secret behind this. We all have our own individual problems, yet no one wants to talk about them because we think we are alone in this battle.

I am not trying to tell anyone how to think or what to do. I just am showing what works for me and that you can give yourself the choice of how to see the world. Thinking and doing these things consistently is hard, but I think seeing a person in a more mindful way opens you up to happiness.