Edit desk: I’m not your ‘sweetheart’

“Hi, I’d like to place an order for pickup.”

Samantha Tomaszewski

Never did I think the simple, mundane task of getting some pizza delivered would end leaving me infuriated with the interaction.

During the process of attempting to order my food, the older man on the other end of the phone decided it would be funny to play a little prank on me. After I told him my order, he told me his establishment didn’t deliver for orders under $100. Believing he was serious, I was instantly confused, as I had checked the website before calling. Even in light of my clear bewilderment, he persisted. He told me he’d bring my food, but I’d have to pay him $100.

I eventually caught on, angered by his attitude. Is that the level of respect with which you should treat a customer? I should have hung up right then and denied him my patronage. But he eventually dropped the joke and I continued the order to completion, feeling frustrated as I hung up the phone.

As a petite blonde woman who doesn’t necessarily look or sound like the 20-year-old I am, I often find myself on the receiving end of little jokes like this one far too often. Pretending to mishear my order, sarcastically answering “no” to simple questions, calling me “honey” or “sweetheart” in a condescending manner and so on. They’re typically harmless and I usually don’t get too bent out of shape over it. Sure, it’s just the way things are.

But sometimes a question comes to mind that causes these actions to get under my skin — would he have done the same thing if he had heard a masculine-sounding voice on the other end of the phone? Would a man be treated the same way?

That is what is most troubling to me.

Think about any other gender combination: Would a man speak like that to another man? Would a woman speak like that to a man? Would a woman speak like that to another woman? In my mind, the answer is a resounding no. There is a greater degree of respect between individuals of the same gender. If you’d like to argue otherwise, I’d say at least it does not occur as frequently.

Even though it may not seem like it right now, I’m the kind of person who can take a joke and will laugh along — when it’s not at the expense of my gender and my disposition. Laugh with me, not at me. Don’t take pleasure out of using your position of power to fluster me. I really don’t know what it gains anyone in that situation. I am not a source of your amusement.

I used to not understand what people mean when they said gender equality has still not been reached in our country. But as I have grown and matured, I have gone through experiences that have unfortunately led me to believe otherwise.

Feminism — as many people incorrectly assume from the context of the word — is not about declaring women better than men. It’s about advocating for women to be elevated to the same political, social and economic level that men are at. It’s about gender equality.

In 2013, the median woman working full-time all year earned 78 percent of what the median man working full-time all year earned. Women are still experiencing sex discrimination and sexual harassment in the workplace in large numbers.

And I believe it’s microaggressions such as the ones I have described that continue to perpetuate the unequal gender culture that exists today. These small actions permeate the subconscious way that men choose to treat women differently. Asserting their dominance in unnecessary situations gives them an unspoken permission to differentiate the ways they treat each gender. It tells them it’s OK to pay women less, to talk to women with less respect, to treat women as if they are lesser than them.

This is not fair. Women — don’t be afraid to fight back and stand up for yourself, and each other. Men — think before you crack a joke at a woman’s expense. It may have more lasting impact than you may realize in that one moment.

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Samantha Tomaszewski, ’17, is the managing editor for The Brown and White. She can be reached at [email protected].