In 2025, many young adults find themselves in dating purgatory.
They’re holding hands with a special someone while walking through the park, keeping a toothbrush in each other’s bathrooms, and they might even be exclusive. But they’re still being introduced to the other person’s parents as a “friend.”
This is the experience of many Gen-Zers in casual relationships that at one point suddenly aren’t so casual anymore — an experience that’s been coined the “situationship” on social media.
Merriam-Webster defines a situationship as “a romantic or sexual relationship whose members have not formally defined it or officially committed to it.”
Cosmopolitan describes it as “a hookup with emotional benefits.”
But perhaps most aptly, Urban Dictionary calls it “emotional trauma in a gift box.”
The wide array of explanations, and the lack of one clear definition, shows the term “situationship” is as arbitrary as a situationship itself. The only things all situationships have in common are unclear boundaries and a lack of communication. Gen Z has adopted this non-label label because of a generational fear of commitment despite an even greater anxiety of being alone.
The term “situationship” first entered the pop culture zeitgeist in a 2017 Cosmopolitan article, but it became ubiquitous in 2021 when many young women on TikTok began using it to describe their emotionally confusing, casual relationships.
The prevalence of these relationships in Gen Z is the result of a statistically more anxious generation living in a culture with an illusion of endless choices.
Tinder has existed and been popular on college campuses since 2012. It — among other, newer dating apps like Hinge and Bumble — promises an excessive amount of potential partners. Studies suggest people are more worried about commitment because of a fear they are going to miss their chance of finding “the one” on the internet. Dating apps benefit from this fear, which is why none are actually “designed to be deleted,” despite being marketed as such.
Gen Z is also one of the most anxious generations. Between 2010 and 2022, there was a 134% increase in the number of undergraduate students diagnosed with anxiety, and the number has only continued to rise.
They also have less teenage relationship experience than previous generations, with only 56% of Gen-Z adults saying they dated as a teen, compared to 76% of Generation X.
This might correlate to the fear surrounding getting into a relationship, a dynamic that has emotional strings and responsibilities attached.
Often, the more avoidant of the two people in a situationship is using a situationship as a training ground for an actual relationship they don’t feel ready for. They’re able to experience aspects of the “significant other experience” without having to take the training wheels off, and they can avoid the risk of getting hurt or feeling guilty if the other party gets hurt.
On the other hand, the more anxious of the two is willing to put aside their own desire for a stable relationship. This might be due to the fact they’re too afraid of having “the talk” when asking the other person, “What are we?” risks ruining the existing dynamic.
This does not mean that situationships are always negative for one or both parties. Sometimes both parties are able to enjoy the experience for what it is — something that’s casual yet an avenue for human connection.
However, the only way to achieve a “healthy” situationship is to have an ongoing, honest conversation about the expectations of both parties.
In this version of a healthy situationship, there is much more of a go-with-the-flow attitude, but the boundaries are clearer than those that are typically found under these circumstances. This version of the “situationship” more closely resembles hookup culture or casual dating of bygone days.
Even though Gen Z is allergic to the labels of “boyfriend/girlfriend,” they’ve been keen to label every other aspect of romantic encounters. From ghosting to the “three month rule” to “having a roster” our not-quite-dating vernacular far surpasses that of generations before us.
These terms allow people to regain some semblance of control over their dating life when it feels as though all of the rules and advice laid out from previous generations have been thrown out the window.
In 1984, The Brown and White covered the “dating dilemma.” Former reporter Maria Rappocio, ‘88 reported that fewer Lehigh students were seriously dating and instead were going on dates with many different people.
Despite Rappocio lamenting the lack of properly partnered students, this version of dating was actually casual in comparison to modern day “situationships.”
Even though the cultural norms around dating and sexual relationships have changed drastically since 1984 — and likely for the better — maybe it was safer to keep the casual, casual and when the time was right, take a risk and be vulnerable.
If being vulnerable for you looks like asking your situationship, “Do you even like me?” then maybe that’s a necessary step. Even though it probably won’t end in a “happily ever after”, at least it’ll get you one step away from wondering why you’re even spending another moment with someone who has a Deftones poster, no bed frame and, on top of all of that, sighs when your name pops up on their phone.
Comment Policy
Comments posted to The Brown and White website are reviewed by a moderator before being approved. Incendiary speech or harassing language, including comments targeted at individuals, may be deemed unacceptable and not published. Spam and other soliciting will also be declined.
The Brown and White also reserves the right to refuse the publication of entirely anonymous comments.