Sex can be wonderful.
College is likely the first sex-positive culture people find themselves in. With the newfound independence of college comes a yearning to explore and experiment.
When you mix freedom, co-ed living and a wave of hormones, you get sex-positive bubbles across the country.
But talking about sex in the wrong context can get ugly.
College students might act sex-positive when expressing themselves publicly, but privately shared experiences carry more weight in their secrecy.
Judging other people’s sex lives sometimes seems like a more innate act than sex itself. Men and women alike gossip and spread information, true or otherwise, that was never meant to leave the bedroom.
We’ve all heard the terms.
Prude. Loose. Hoe. Slut. Whore.
You can learn the details of someone’s sexual history before you learn their last name. Their identity is reduced to a one-syllable word and spread among campus groups by their own peers, most of whom were never meant to know.
Sex is a biological need, but many treat it as a social embarrassment. Our personal thoughts on the promiscuity of others can push us to reveal secrets we know we shouldn’t.
Why wouldn’t it? Sex shaming is as embedded in our culture as apple pie.
We live in a country with a history of shaming others, particularly for how frequently they have sex, who they have sex with, and wanting to have sex in the first place.
Politicians enact legislation preventing access to birth control for millions of women. Researchers cease progress on a male birth control pill because of adverse side effects, many of which women experience with greater intensity on their pill.
These problems aren’t unique to America — we just have different priorities than other nations.
We live in a country where mass shootings cause gun stocks to rise, but showing a nipple on television sparks a national controversy. People shame women when they discover how many people they’ve slept with. Men are shamed for being virgins, even if it’s for personal, religious or external reasons.
Our culture supports the narrative that promiscuity equals punishment, a pure contrast from the sex-positive culture of college. When these worldviews meet, they create a sex-negative feedback loop.
Someone less comfortable with sex might feel pressured by the thought that “everyone is doing it.” They feel like it’s a rite of passage, a part of the college experience they can’t afford to pass up.
Pressure leads to guilt, guilt leads to embarrassment and embarrassment leads to shame. The idea that sex equals punishment is reinforced.
A simple solution can break the cycle: when it comes to sex, be selfish.
Cherish the memories that brighten your day — laugh about memories that still embarrass you, even years later.
Your sexual preferences and pursuits don’t determine your worth. Having 50 sexual partners doesn’t detract from your moral character any more than having zero does. Body count is not a personality trait.
If someone is practicing safe sex and being honest with future partners, nothing else needs to be said. No one should think themselves “more righteous” than someone with a sex-positive attitude.
Your sexual history doesn’t encompass who you are. All bodies deserve respect.
Sex-positive culture is something to be celebrated, not condemned.
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1 Comment
“A simple solution can break the cycle: when it comes to sex, be selfish.” I don’t know what the definition of “sex-positive” is; I’m thinking it means two selfish people getting together for fun, no strings or value judgements attached. It is of course your choice to do as you wish.
When you make decisions be loving not selfish.