I’ve always been terrible with goodbyes.
As a kid, if the end of every break, vacation and holiday wasn’t marked with a minor breakdown, it didn’t feel complete to me (or to my family, who probably held back their laughter regarding the fact that I was crying at the mere thought of returning to the third grade after Christmas).
The endings of every sports season, spring concert and school year also proved to be tear jerkers.
When I graduated high school, I was completely beside myself. I truly could not imagine myself anywhere but the K-12 charter school in which I grew up.
So, one can only imagine how I’ve taken a year full of goodbyes, endings and lasts. And I’ll tell you—not very well.
There have been a lot of times this year when I’ve felt something that I’ve described as nostalgia for a moment—I have felt myself missing a moment before it has even passed.
I have held back tears in normally unemotional and insignificant moments, like walking through the farmers market in Farrington Square or taking photos with my friends on a night out.
I sometimes can’t help but think, “Is this the last time I’ll ever do this?”
It could be my last Le-Laf, my last time taking a walk on the Greenway or my last time ever eating at El Jefe’s. The last time I’ll take an undergraduate exam, the last time I’ll race to get an assignment turned in on Course Site by 11:59 p.m. or the last time I’ll run to the Whitaker bus stop to make the Packer Express.
Even the little “lasts” get me. The last time I’ll have a “move-in day,” the last time I’ll study in FML and the last time I’ll run into my younger brother, Jack, on our way to class.
These moments and more have been a part of my life at Lehigh for the past four years and in a way, my life at Lehigh feels like the only life I know. How could I be OK with leaving that?
When I’m having a “nostalgia in the moment” feeling, I have to remind myself that while I may be experiencing the “lasts” of Lehigh as I know it, my story is really just beginning.
The end of Lehigh does not mean the end of exciting events, fun nights and adventures. The end of Lehigh is not the end of my world—even though I sometimes act like it is.
I’m sure that I’ll race to get an assignment turned in or run for the bus or find a new running trail, in the near future. Le-Laf will still welcome alumni and I can still visit all of my favorite restaurants as often as I want. Let’s face it, moving away from Bethlehem won’t keep me away from El Jefe’s forever.
Despite the tears, I have survived every goodbye that once seemed so big. Returning from breaks meant that I got to see my friends at school. The end of a sports season meant that I had more time to myself and the next season to look forward to. And leaving the high school I adored meant that I would attend a university that I would come to love just as much.
As scary as it is, I know that there will be a silver lining in saying goodbye to Lehigh.
I am the first to admit that I may not be the most graceful in handling a year full of “lasts.” I will also admit that I probably will continue to tear up at the many “lasts” that are inevitably happening for myself and my peers.
Even so, I can’t wait for the year full of “firsts” coming my way.
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