Edit desk: Dear future me

In a matter of days, I will be done playing college soccer. 

There is no way to prepare myself for what is to come. There is no way for me to fully understand what is going to inevitably happen. And to my future self, in the words of Judas Priest: You’ve got another thing coming.

This will be published on the day before your last quarterfinal match. Moving beyond that is not guaranteed. As much as I hope that we do, I will need to prepare you for what is to come, regardless of the outcome, or at least try my best to do so.

I am writing this to brace you for what life without soccer is going to look like.

You’re going to have a lot of time on your hands—you won’t have a schedule navigating every aspect of your day around driving to and from Goodman Campus for practices and lifts. While your Type A personality will go crazy about this, I know you’ll find a way to fill the gaps.

In fact, you’ll be able to dedicate more time towards applying to graduate school and FaceTiming your boyfriend to binge-watch Netflix shows together. You’ll be able to get pedicures without feeling like you wasted your money when someone steps on you during practice and ruins the polish.You’ll get to eat ice cream midday if you want to without having to worry about throwing it up at practice later.

You won’t have an excuse to see your teammates every day anymore, but you will always remember the times you had with them, singing in the locker room and on long bus rides. You’ll be forced to make your own workout plans and get yourself to the gym, but you’ll also have someone like our strength and conditioning Coach Dom Carlineo to call anytime you have questions or want some Honey Stinger gummies.

You’ll be covering sports instead of playing them. As Oakley put it, you’ll still be doing what you love, just on the other side of the sports world.

When soccer is all said and done, I know you are going to be crushed. It’s been part of our lives for the past 16 years. How could it not be hard to say goodbye to it?

But weirdly, I know you’ll be happier.

Just think about how you’ll get to play soccer tennis and juggle with Oakley when you go back home for Thanksgiving and winter break. You can go play pickup with your old club teammates and go out to a field, even if it’s by yourself, to dribble and shoot around at your leisure.

I know that you don’t like not having control, but it’s not like we’ve had any over these past four years, and you sure won’t have any going into this next phase of life. Although I felt that doors were closed on our potential over these past four years, I know now that those doors had to close for new ones to open.

Whether the season and soccer as you know it will be over in days or a week, know that I am proud of you. The hard work, perseverance and positivity you have displayed is a testament to your character. You can look back on these four years and say to yourself, “I did it.”

I hope you don’t regret any of it. You’re going to miss it like hell, but remember: you once wanted what you are going to have. 

Your freshman-year self would be so proud to see where you are today. Your current-day self is in awe of all the things you have pushed through.

You’re going to be okay because you’ve always found a way.

There is always an end, but with that comes a new beginning. While I don’t know what lies behind those doors ahead, you sure will find out, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us in the future.