Navigating senior year: The next chapter

Picture this: It’s your first weekend back at school after a long winter break. You’re catching up with some friends, talking about what you did over break and what you’re looking forward to this semester. They tell you about their recent job offer or graduate school decision, and you congratulate them. At this point, you are dreading where this conversation is naturally headed.

“What do you have lined up for next year?” 

There it is.  

I have lived this moment one too many times in my short time back at Lehigh this semester. The question is always well-intended, yet I quickly answer with, “I’m not sure yet” and change the subject. 

So, for the sake of trying to avoid this awkward interaction in the near future, I’ll say it here. 

I don’t know what I want to do post-graduation yet!

As someone who has grappled with the idea of attending various graduate programs while simultaneously exploring the job market, I have been slow to fully commit to one over the other. 

At times, I have felt a beat behind my peers who have had jobs or graduate school commitments lined up for months now. The impending doom I feel about making this final commitment has caused me to ignore the decision altogether from time to time. 

Nobody warns you about this before you’re living it, but sometimes the job search is totally brutal. I have come out of interviews definitely thinking I would get the position, just to find out that I am “not the ideal candidate they are looking for.” 

I have come out of other interviews thinking, “Wow, I definitely will not be hearing from them ever again,” to find out that I have moved on to the next round of interviews. 

The process is tough to predict and the need for hires seems to change constantly—I am still learning how to adapt to the rules each individual application wants me to follow.

And then I have graduate school. I have dreamt of a one year masters program at Lehigh for years now. When the application opened, I applied by the earliest deadline. 

I was thrilled and proud to find out I had been accepted into the program, however it didn’t feel like I expected it to. My feelings of pride and happiness have been coupled with worry and doubt—feelings I couldn’t (and honestly, still haven’t) escaped. 

Where am I going to live? How am I supposed to pay for this? And is it really worth putting myself in debt when I would be leaving my undergraduate career with none? (thanks, Mom)

Throughout my entire decision, I have found myself trying to stick to a timeline: when I should apply, when I should interview and accept, when I should make my LinkedIn announcement and when I should be 100 percent sure that this is what I actually want. 

However, I am beginning to realize that this “timeline,” which has been hanging over my head for months now, probably does not even exist.

Everyone does things at their own pace and as much as it’s weird to hear, adult life is going to come with a lot of this. We are getting to the age where some of our friends are moving away, some are starting families, some are still in school and some are still just figuring it all out. 

The best part is, nobody is on the “wrong” timeline! 

I know that I am not alone in still figuring out what to do next year (though I will admit that sometimes scrolling through my LinkedIn feed makes me feel like I might be). 

I know that it is somewhat normal to dread a big, life-changing decision while also trying to balance the basic responsibilities of senior year. And, in the end, I know that something will work out like it’s supposed to, on my own timeline.